By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
