I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
