oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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