Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
