he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
