happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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