he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
