Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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