there's paper in my vomit.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
