after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
