i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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