haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
