roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
