dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
