there's paper in my vomit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
