Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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