I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
of course. lets lasso hookers.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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