I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
