Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
