You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
