And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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