i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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