I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
