she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
