Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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