If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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