how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
