he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
