sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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