no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize