do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
