I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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