is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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