i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
