Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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