I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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