the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
