When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
