As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
