Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
