My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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