Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
