My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
its liver damage thursday
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