I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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