God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
