and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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