i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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