I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
