feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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