the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
