my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
