it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
