I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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