she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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