I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
