i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
