Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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