Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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