Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
