It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
