i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
