I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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