This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
