I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
