she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
