The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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