I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
