I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
