Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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