nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
