If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
