What a fucking waste of an outfit
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Randomize
