I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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