I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
