I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
