OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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