Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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