I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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