she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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