I can't breathe out the right side of my face
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
In America we eat man semen.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
