I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
