Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
