I wish I could punch you in the face.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
