im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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