Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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