blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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