If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
